STRESS!

What Causes Stress?

Stress is the body's reaction to harmful situations -- whether they’re real or perceived. When you feel threatened, a chemical reaction occurs in your body that allows you to act in a way to prevent injury. This reaction is known as "fight-or-flight-or-freeze,” or the stress response. During stress response, your heart rate increases, breathing quickens, muscles tighten, and blood pressure rises. You’ve gotten ready to act. It is how you protect yourself.

My recent book, The Stress Survival Guide for Teens, describes how stress means different things to not only teens but also people of all ages. What causes stress in one person may be of little concern to another. Some people are better able to handle stress than others. And, not all stress is bad. In small doses, stress can help you accomplish tasks and prevent you from getting hurt. For example, stress is what gets you to slam on the breaks to avoid hitting the car in front of you. That's a good thing.

Our bodies are designed to handle small doses of stress. But, we are not equipped to handle long-term, chronic stress without ill consequences. So here are quick and easy ways to lower stress in your body and in your mind:

Getting a Grip to Release Your Stress Squeezing an Imaginary Lemon

Imagine that there’s a lemon in front of you. Take a moment to visualize it in as much detail as you can. Then, with your right hand, reach out into the air and pretend you’re grabbing that lemon. Imagine its weight and the way it feels in your palm. Now picture there’s a hole cut in the end of the lemon, and try to squeeze that lemon so that some juice comes out. Notice how your right hand and arm are tense as you grip and squeeze that lemon for five to seven seconds. Okay, now pretend to set the lemon back down, and feel your hand and arm relax. Repeat this three times, each time trying to squeeze even more juice out and then relaxing your arm.

Ask Yourself How This Exercise Worked for You With These Questions:

Could you feel the difference between your arm muscles being tense and your arm muscles being relaxed? Now that you’re not holding the lemon any longer, does your arm feel more relaxed or more tense than when you started? Can you see how focusing on your body in this way could help take your mind off of stressful thoughts for a while? You can do this exercise as a quick tension reliever any time that stress is getting to you. Your imagination will supply you with as many lemons as you need.

Now try out a rapid stress-reducing exercise that focuses on letting go of muscle tension in your whole body. The Rapid Full-Body Tension Reliever Sit in a chair, or lie down in a comfortable position. Now quickly contract every muscle you can in your body and hold for ten seconds. Be sure to breathe as you do this exercise, and repeat it three times. Rest for about ten to fifteen seconds between each repetition.

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Consider the following questions to see how this activity worked for you:

Did you notice your body increasingly relaxing after each set of full muscle contractions? Were the sensations of letting go of the tension in your entire body pleasant or unpleasant? Does tensing and relaxing your entire body give you a better sense of the level of stress-related muscle tension you carry around on a daily basis? Does rapidly tensing and relaxing your full body seem like an efficient way to manage stressful situations?

You can do this third exercise while lying down or sitting. The way it’s presented here is for lying down.  You can have someone read it to you or record it and listen while doing it.

The Brief Body Scan 1. Lie down on a rug, a carpet, or another comfortable surface. 2. If you want to, you can close your eyes. Or leave them open as you do this exercise. 3. Gently bring your attention to the feeling of your body resting on the floor. 4. Take a few deep, relaxing breaths. 5. Focus your attention on your feet. You don’t need to tense or relax them. Just notice to what degree they feel tense or relaxed, or comfortable or uncomfortable, at this moment. Breathe in and out, and notice any sensations that are present or that come up in your feet. You don’t need to evaluate these sensations or to try to change them in any way. 6. When you feel ready, gently shift your attention up your body to the next area, your lower legs. Spend a few moments focusing on what you feel there, just as you did for your feet. 7. Similarly, gently tune in to your knees. Then tune in to your upper legs. 8. Move your attention up your body. First focus on your buttocks and pelvis, then spend a while on your hands and arms, and then pay attention to your torso and back. End with your face and head.

Take a few more relaxing breaths  Whenever you’re ready, open your eyes and slowly stand up. 

Now consider how the brief body scan felt to you

Which areas of your body seemed the loosest? Which ones were the most tense? How did it feel to simply observe the sensations in your body without reacting to them? Did spending some time just observing your body feel comfortable, or did it feel foreign or even strange? Was this exercise a pleasant activity? As a result of doing this exercise, did you feel the stress in your body increase or decrease?

In Closing

One of the best ways to manage your stress is to manage your expectations. Yes, it would be great for all of us to completely free ourselves of stress every time we attempt to do so. Just keep in mind that if you are having a really bad day, your attempt to lower your stress does not have to be perfect. In fact, remembering to squeeze that imaginary lemon, tighten and relax your body, or do a brief body scan can go a long way to get you feeling back in control of your stress--especially if you given these strategies a chance. 

References

Bernstein, J. ( 2019) The Stress Survival Guide for Teens, New Harbinger Publications

Stress symptoms: Effects on your body and behavior:Mayo Clinic

How To Find Happiness By Following 12 Simple Principles

BY KARA LANE

Is your life everything you want it to be, or do you sometimes feel like there’s something missing?  You may be like many people today who feel a vague sense of unhappiness, without really understanding why.  Maybe you can point to certain people or circumstances in your life that you wish would change, but deep down you suspect that the real issue is you.  And you’re right…you may be subconsciously sabotaging your own happiness.

In order to be happy, you have to feel good about yourself.  If you don’t, you will be more likely to make poor choices and to allow the people and situations in your life to determine your level of happiness.  Real happiness comes from a feeling of inner peace that occurs naturally when you feel good about the way you’re living your life.

Fortunately, regardless of where you currently are in your life, you can begin practicing 12 principles that will help you find lasting happiness.  Following these principles will make you feel good about yourself and help you to reach your full potential:

Take personal responsibility for your life.

You control your thoughts and actions and thus control your life.  Other people, fate and circumstances may impact your life, but you have the final say as to how your life is lived.Be honest.

Honesty builds your self-esteem and improves your relationships.  It takes a brave person to be honest because it increases your vulnerability, but the reward is worth the risk.

Take control of your thinking.

Develop the positive intent to control your thinking, rather than letting it be controlled by ego, other people or circumstances.

Focus on the present.

It is only in the present that you can effect change.  The past is gone and the future hasn’t arrived.

Forgive.

Forgiving is something you do for yourself.  When you forgive yourself or another person, you let go of painful memories and reclaim your happiness and peace of mind.

Let go of fear.

When you overcome a fear which has kept you from living your best possible life, you experience a feeling of freedom and exhilaration.  Fear only has the power you give it.

Lighten up and enjoy life.

Life was meant to be enjoyed, and enjoying life teaches you to be grateful.  Whether you are enjoying a baby’s smile or a sunset with your lover, be grateful to be alive and enjoy every minute of your life.

Take care of yourself.

Focus on good nutrition, regular exercise, getting adequate sleep and controlling your stress level.  When you feel good physically, it positively affects your mental state, too.

Love unconditionally.

When you strip everything else away, all we really want is to love and be loved.  Loving unconditionally is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the world!

Keep learning and growing.

When you continue to learn and grow, you expand your inner and outer world.  There is an unlimited amount of information and it is yours for the taking.

Focus on what you want and take action.

When you focus on what you want, your chances of getting it go up dramatically.  So don’t waste your precious energy focusing on what you don’t want – save it for what matters.

Develop your spiritual life.

This is a personal matter which will be addressed differently by each person, but it is a critical step to powerful living.  Developing your spiritual life gives your life meaning and purpose.

To find out more about the 12 principles of powerful living, check out my self-help  book, Wake Up to Powerful Living: 12 Principles to Transform Your Life!  If your life isn’t everything you want it to be, you owe it to yourself to make some changes.

By the time you have mastered all 12 principles, you will have unlocked the key to lasting happiness.  But don’t stop there.  To be a true champion of powerful living, you’ll want to take what you’ve learned and pass it on!

Make The Most of What You Have!

Most people go through life thinking, “Gee, my life would be perfect if only I had…”, constantly wishing for something else that, if it magically appeared, would allow them to live out their greatest dreams.  The problem with this approach is that the “something” they think they need is never going to come their way in the exact form they imagine.  And because it doesn’t show up in the way they expect, they spend their life waiting for it.  And waiting.  And waiting some more.

One of the great benefits of life coaching is that it can help you become more aware of these limiting patterns. Together with your life coach, you can develop more clarity about what you really want and different ways of getting it.

Stop waiting and choose your purpose

If you want something better for your life, there is a better way.  The first step is to decide what you want to do; in other words, choose your purpose.  Maybe you want to work with children, or perhaps your dream is to let your creative and artistic talents flourish.  Whatever it is you want (it doesn’t matter what that is) you can get, but first you have to clearly identify it.

Why is this important?  Because when you have a clear, defined purpose for your life you can set about finding ways to use what you have in ways that fit your overall purpose.  Instead of waiting around for the “something” to drop in your lap, you can take inventory of the resources and tools you already do have and figure out how to use them toward your purpose.

Developing greater clarity around your goals and your purpose is one of the most important and valuable benefits of life coaching.

What are you going to do with those lemons?

You’ve likely heard the old cliché, “When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade”, and you’ve maybe even used that approach once or twice.  But what would happen if you decided you didn’t want to make lemonade, but instead make something else?  You could make a lemon meringue pie, lemon drops, or lemon cake.  You could make a battery (yes, you really can!), highlight your friend’s hair, or brew up some lemon tea.  Or you might even plant the seeds and grow your very own lemon tree.

The point of this is that whatever resources you have available – lemons, time, tools, creativity, or anything else – keep an open mind and find a way to use them toward your life purpose.  This is a really important concept, because this is how you can keep working toward your purpose without waiting around for that special “something” to appear.

Sometimes the best opportunities are hidden

While it would be very nice to always have good things happen in your life, and the road to your purpose spread out smoothly in front of you, which is just not realistic.  Everybody faces good times and bad times, lucky events and challenging events; there is no avoiding the inevitable ups and downs.  That’s just part of being human.

The most successful people don’t have easy or smooth lives.  Rather, they are smart enough to have set out a clear purpose and then keep their minds open to opportunities regardless of how they arrive.  Even the most negative events – financial loss, natural disasters, relationship problems, whatever – always have some sort of “silver lining” if you remain open enough to find it.  And quite often, that silver lining is a hidden opportunity that can move you forward, closer and closer to achieving the purpose you have set for yourself.

Purpose is part of each day

It’s easy to sit down and dream, imagining what you want to achieve in your life.  It’s also easy to get stuck in the dreaming and planning mode, putting all of your energy into creating “the big picture” of where you want to go.  You lay out a goal, decide on the milestones you want to reach, and then go on about your daily life.  The problem is, your daily life does not include paying attention to your purpose so your overall goal remains just that – a goal.

Once you decide on your purpose, make it a part of each and every day.  Keep it in the front of your mind, right there where you can constantly be looking for ways to move toward making it happen.  In other words, start living your purpose right here, right now, in your current circumstances.  Look for the little changes you can make along the way, each one getting you slightly closer to where you want to be.

The very worst thing you can do is sit around waiting for everything to be perfect before you start.  Why?  Because that will never, ever happen.  Let’s say you want to buy a new car but don’t have enough money saved up.  It’s easy to think you’ll never get to your goal amount unless the money arrives in big chunks at a time, so you spend your time and energy waiting and watching for it to happen.  And you of course will end up waiting a long, long time.

Why not focus each day on saving at least a little bit of money toward your goal?  When you buy a soda, set the change aside in a savings jar; instead of buying a latte, take the money you would have spent and put it in your savings account.  This is a slow way to save money, that’s for sure, but it will eventually get you to your goal; and probably a lot faster than if you used the “wait and hope” approach.

Final thoughts

Living with purpose every day and making the most of what you have is very easy advice to give, but it is a challenging way to live at first.  We are so conditioned to want it all and want it now, that the skill of reaching a goal one small step at a time is something foreign to many people.

Be different.  Be creative.  Set your purpose and live it every day, no matter where you are at or what resources you have available.  It will soon become a habit that in turn leads to long term success.

And if you want help with this, getting a life coach is a great way to get started.

BY RODGER!